Oh God! Where do I even start? I have much to say, but since this is my first blog post, I should probably introduce my blog and myself. The name is Tyler; I usually go by “Tai” pronounced like “Ty”. I’ve been apart of the social media world since the beginning of 2014, courtesy of Rihanna Navy. Since then, I’ve gained a follow by the beloved Rih herself, 10k on twitter and 5k on instagram. I guess you can call me a bit of an influencer; I want to do something with this platform. I must admit, I haven’t always loved to write on paper but I have always loved using my imagination and picking through my thoughts, twitter really helped with that. I have all of these thoughts and creations itching to get out…so this is perfect for me. I tried YouTube, I mean it was fine I’ll get around to it later, I even tried to blog over the summer but it just wasn’t the right time. I had a lot of inner work to do which we’ll get to shortly. Oh yeah!! My blog is named “Worldwide Tai”, let me give ya’ll the break down. Excuse how I move from one thing to another so quickly, my brain works fast.
I’m USA born but I am currently studying in London hence “Worldwide”. I loveeee to travel, explore, and meet new people. Essentially, I’m creating my own world in my head and sharing it all with you, meaning you’re “Taking a trip into my world”. My most recent trip was last week to Amsterdam. It was exactly what I needed; I mean I had been struggling with what I wanted to do with my life, how I was changing spiritually and how I am having a harder time relating to regular people. Yes it was the shrooms that gave me clarity on everything, but I think it was also the beautiful people I met this time around. Thanks to this whole social media thing, I have been able to connect with people worldwide with the same passions as me and the same kind of spirit. I’ve been blessed to find my tribe so young. My last trip was completely solo, so you can imagine the experience was completely different. Honestly, I’m not even the same person I was when I took that solo trip to Denmark in November. It was a very healing time in my life from all this anger I was feeling, sadness, trauma from childhood sexual abuse, and fear because things were changing at such a rapid pace. I feel like I’ve lived 100 years just from November to January, and now that I look back and reflect…I am truly grateful for that trip.
So Amsterdam, lets get to it! It’s Saturday morning, about 3am or so and I’m up and ready to go. I grab my backpack and head out. I missed my first bus of course, mostly because I wasn’t at the right bus stop, but after whipping out the “City Mapper” which I recommend everyone get (it works even when there’s no internet) I got it together and pulled up to Heathrow airport. Okay, I gotta tell ya’ll about my beef with Heathrow. If you already know me then I’m sure you’ve heard about my infamous airport jail story, yes airport jail. It’s a long story but I’ll keep it cute and short for now. To sum things up, two years ago I was under 18 and going to visit the school I attend now. I had also planned to go see Rih in Manchester and stay with my good Navy friend Danait, whom my mom really liked and trusted. Everything was cool; they asked some questions at the border and went to call my mom to make sure things were legit. Then came the header of border control, some dusty ass lady in at least her 60’s.
Her breakdown was that I was lying about visiting a university, Danait was gonna kidnap me and steal my organs, and that my mom on the phone wasn’t actually my mom. So yes, I spent the night in airport jail and got shipped right back to the USA. I look back at it now with great humor especially since Danait didn’t steal my organs, I’m attending university here now, and things worked out in my favor, but I did have some trauma. I still have trouble to this day going back and forth through the border. When I come home from holidays or just traveling I ALWAYS get stopped, even with a Visa and residence permit. It’s really annoying but you’ve gotta work with what you’ve got.
I hadn’t been to Heathrow since that happened though, so when I stepped into the airport it was like I could feel all the fear and sadness shooting through my body. My energy remembered what it was like to be there. Do ya’ll remember that scene in Monsters Inc where that orange/red and yellow monster has the little kids sock on his back and everyone starts yelling “2319 WE HAVE A 2319” and then an entire squad comes in because he’s contaminated? My imagination is crazy, so in my head I thought when they figured out who I was that was gonna happen to me. Luckily, It was just my imagination and that didn’t happen. Everything went smooth and quickly. From there, I was on my way to Amsterdam.
When I arrived, the beautiful Bo was waiting for me at the airport. We were introduced to one another through Rihanna Navy in 2014 or 15 I believe; this was our first time meeting face to face though. Now, I’ve met many navies from many countries. Internet friends have been apart of my life for a really long time now. I know it can seem like some Black Mirror type shit if you’re not really in the internet world, especially that of Stans. To be honest though, the best people in my life that I have ever come across is all because of those very two things, so I see it completely differently. This whole Stan life has connected me with beautiful, sweet sensitive souls that love music like me, Rihanna as much as I do, and have the creative fire that I seek in others. They are my tribe and I love that we can be weirdos together and have a community of understanding and freedom with an occasional drag or clock here and there.
I know we can all relate to those times we missed school and work for concerts, waking up early to get those Fenty x Puma creepers, and rushing down to the barriers so we could witness our beloved fave front and center. I think Stan culture is misunderstood, people probably think a lot of us are psycho (some of ya’ll are but that’s a story for a different day) but for many stans, this whole world is like an escape from the everyday world, everyday people, and normal ways of thinking. I mean imagine sending one of your cousins “Wig flew” after they send you a bomb ass selfie, or one of your co-workers “Fuhdshjfjsd” when you see something funny. We literally have an entire language; we are literally a fucking tribe. Meeting Bo face to face for the first time was so great. She is a very gifted soul and I could feel it as soon as I gave her a hug. Introverted, sensitive/innocent, and sweet are the words I would use to describe her. We didn’t even have to speak much to connect with one another. I think that is the most beautiful thing ever.
First stop, the cannabis coffee house! The smell whacked me in the face before we even entered the joint (no pun intended). I had my backpack on, my wig secured, and I was ready for all that Amsterdam had to offer. The shenanigans were about to take place. After we buy our bud we both figure out that neither of us can roll haha! I’m a bowl girl and she’s not an everyday herb intaker. I found this dude playing on the video game machine nearby and got him to help luckily. We started chatting and I found out that he was a world traveler from Australia. He works for a year straight and travels for a year straight. Its so funny how no matter where I am in the world, God connects me to my tribe; after all, we are all just mirrors of one another. We smoked and chatted for a bit, I thanked him for his services and Bo and I were OWT. The cannabis in Amsterdam is on a whole other level, so I was already on cloud nine and the morning was just getting started.
From there, we went to the magic mushrooms shop and I knew shit was about to go down. I ask the mushroom expert for some help in choosing since it was my first time taking them. I am a little bit of a substance enthusiast so I wasn’t really scared. I was ready for whatever was to come. I chose the space mushrooms, which was more of a mental trip than visual as said by the mushroom expert. I bought the mushrooms and we were on our way again. As we were walking I started eating some of them, let me tell ya’ll…they taste like straight ass. If the earth had an ass that is exactly what it would taste like. The mushroom expert told me to eat them on an empty stomach but after eating a good portion, I just couldn’t do it. We were off to link up with Rebecca #1 anyways, so we stopped at McDonalds and I went to the potty while Bo got us their vegan burgers.
Apparently I was in the bathroom for a really long time because Bo was looking for me when I walked out. My perception of time had already changed so I honestly didn’t even realize it took so long. We ate and I put some more of the mushrooms on my burger. The box was 10grams and I was supposed to eat them all but I decided to just eat a little more than half since it was my first time taking them. More and more the trip was creeping up on me and about 30 minutes into us staring at each other because we were so fried everything completely changed. It’s like the shrooms had a sledgehammer and just whacked me in the head with it. The colors changed, sounds and vibrations amplified, at first I was honestly shook…I had to get it together and keep it cute though because I was in public. Sounds started turning into patterns, I could see auras…honestly it was extremely visually exhausting.
This is before the mental trip took full effect. I remember at one point I looked down at my phone to see where Becca was and my phone had smudges and fingerprints all over it. When I was going in to wipe it off, all of the smudges became characters that I couldn’t “unsee”. I was observing everything from a completely different point of view. Becca #1 finally arrived and scared the shit out of me. She snuck up on me because my head was lying down on the table while I was trying to get myself together. Honestly, I didn’t have an opportunity to make a “first impression” of her really…. I was completely fried. We chatted briefly before she went to meet up with some other friends and then Bo and I headed to my hotel so I could chill out for a bit. We ended up getting lost, I really think it was because Bo was still having effects from the Cannabis and then of course I was just in another realm. This is when my mental trip really started and it all could’ve gone south and super fast. Everything became synchronized and started to loop. I was going through the wormhole of the same thing over and over and over. The directors of the trams were sending us in all different kinds of directions and we almost started freaking out.
Luckily, even under the influence I was able to think quickly on my feet. I reminded both of us to take deep breaths and then I remembered I had that City Mapper app that I mentioned earlier. Even then, at first it was still a little difficult. When I wanted to go right, Bo wanted to go left. We stopped a few times to ensure we were going in the right direction, and finally when we were able to trust one another and synchronize, we got to our destination quickly. I honestly thought we had been walking around for 2 hours, when I looked at my clock it had only been 20-30 minutes. My perception of time was completely warped, but at least we had made it. The entire situation played again in my head but Bo and I were sidekicks that had completed a mission. My mind made us these really badass cartoon characters; I could still draw them out.
Shrooms changes how you view people and the world honestly. When I was looking at Bo she became very God like to me, it was like I could see the divine in her. She was an angel and it was honestly the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced. We parted our ways so she could go to work and I could rest and finish this trip alone. I got to the room and the wormhole thing started happening again. Every lesson I had ever learned in my life started coming up and I was witnessing as an observer how it had synchronized with what just happened, how I was the hero of my own journey. Now I needed to let go of control and surrender to synchronicity and the flow of life. This was the most difficult part of the trip…it got extremely intense.
I got a little frustrated briefly because the same images kept appearing in my head over and over and over and over. This was an extremely important lesson for me though, because I’ve always had issues with control. The shrooms were showing me that knowing what happens next could be torment, that I should surrender, let go, and flow with the tides. Finally I gave up and surrendered…. everything changed again. I had felt like this had been going on for hours, it had only been 20 minutes again. What I had just experienced was an “Ego Death”. I was feeling bright, happy, and blissful so I went to take some selfies in the mirror. I literally looked like an alien to myself, a really cute alien. Anyways, the trip lasted for about 3 more hours and I knew that the veil that covered how I once saw the world was lifted.
I was now seeing everything exactly for what it was with no judgment….I was only an observer. I never even finished the entire box of shrooms, I can only imagine what the trip would’ve been like then. Everything was coming around full circle; I was beginning a new journey. At this point, I began to come down and I got very emotional. Everything was getting more and more blissful by the second and I felt at peace. I met with Becca #1 again in the lobby and we talked while we waited to meet up with Becca #2. This was my first real impression of her. She has this beautifullll dark chocolate skin and was rocking these bomb braids. First thing I noticed on her was her #Stunna lip paint (courtesy of Fenty Beauty). I could tell she was pretty shy and honestly, I was still trippin a little so I could read into her energy very easily. I apologized to her for meeting me completely fried, she laughed in French, yes ya’ll she laughed in French. I didn’t even know that was possible, but she’s from France so it all makes sense. We sat and chatted about our families and Amsterdam so far and then we headed off to meet with Becca #2 straight outta NYC.
Tracking this girl down was like trying to find Kylie Jenner. When we finally linked, she was fried off that Amsterdam bud, funniest thing I’ve ever experienced. It was about 6 or 7 by then and I was back to my normal self. Becca #2 is such a free spirit, but damn it looked like a bomb hit her hotel room. I didn’t mind though, I was enjoying the moment and appreciating the fun energy she was bringing. She fell into a weed coma so Becca #1 and I headed off to a vegan restaurant for some dinner. We talked about being Black in America vs France and what our lives were like. We talked about dreams, goals, and I could tell that we were very synced…. we just clicked! We also talked about languages, you see Becca speaks French as her first language and I speak English, but she spoke English the entire time. At one point she asked me how her English was and it was honestly amazing.
It got me thinking about how a lot of people from my home country only speak one language, maybe because Americans are self absorbed fucks who think everyone else should learn our language or most don’t even think that far out. I speak Spanish, but I am nowhere as great as Becca! I don’t think I could just sit and speak it for hours without frying my brain…I’ll get there soon. So yes, her English was damn good! Language is just that really, we can all learn them if we choose to, but there is a universal language that we are all born with. It connects us all to one another; it is the vibration of love, compassion, and understanding. In the next year or so when I have mastered Spanish, I will move to French just for Becca. My good sis is a multilingual ICON! Becca is the greatest and I saw so much of me in her, after all, we’re all just mirrors of one another right?
We never met back up with Becca #2, but we shared some bud she had left and chilled for the rest of the night. It had been the longest day ever for me, but it had also been the best day that I had ever experienced in my entire life. I went home the next morning, everything still felt so bliss and peaceful. When I went through the border at Heathrow, I knew I had just entered a new chapter in my life. For one, I just had the most healing and fun experience of my life, but also, I had no problems getting through the border. They didn’t stop me this time!!! My shrooms experience allowed everything to 180 in my life and I was so grateful.
I Thank God constantly for bringing the Navy into my life, they have completely changed my world. I wouldn’t be studying here in London, know people from damn near every continent, and live the life that I have. I cannot imagine my life without them. We prove that social media isn’t always negative, I mean sure we have some Stan wars and #Clapback moments every now and again but that is life. We’re a family at the end of the day and I am blessed to have found my tribe.
I’m going to continue to journal all of my experiences, travel journeys, and occasional mind splatters. I really enjoy this whole blogging thing, and although I don’t know what the future holds, I’m not really worried. I am enjoying the freedom of the present moment. That is the most important lesson that I learned last weekend. This is only the beginning of something so beautiful, thanks for taking a trip into my world; we’ll see what happens next.
Stay weird ya’ll,